toast bread

2006-09-22T03:48:00.000+08:00

i think i miss you.

2005-12-20T07:59:00.000+08:00

flick at chinablack!

2005-10-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

i dont live here anymore, i live here !

2005-09-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

i feel this need to eat play with candles, lanterns, sparklers, fire and baygon.

i hope there is still full moon tonight, because on the first night of the full moon ( which is was friday ), i spent the night playing pool in a underground getto style pool saloon. then on the second night, i spent my time doing work, very productive work and only saw the moon for like less than a minute. ( althought one minute moonlight shadow was nice )

for the first time in days, bejeweled is working !

now i am angry, i see the words in my entries being linked to some sponsered link thing.

2005-09-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

i am being boggled by so many issues now i wish i have an escape pod like sandy in spongebob in spongebob, all she does is press a button and a pod will appear and bring her to texas. ( this connection to georgie is purely coincidental )

i feel like a toast bread, a toasted overtime one, so dark, so bitter and do hard.
i am still searching for myself, looking for a meaning, sometimes i'd just feel like my shoulders cant take the weight any longer. although i am not needing to be dependent, i think i ought to lean back a little. independance is also about knowing when to rest your soul, not that i have one.

i did not get to eat my es teller 77 food today, got rather upset about it.

2005-09-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

okay, we had mid autumn festival concert thing today. and there was this item were the chinese cultural society sang this 'thinking of you' su dong po poem that was turned into a song who by covered by faye wong. ( it was not a good item by the way ) anyway, i like the poem alot even though i dont understand a single line and had to reply to the english translation give to us in a handout.

when will the moon be clear and bright ?
with a cup of wine in my hand, i asked the blue sky.
i dont know what season it would be in the heavens on this night.
i'd like to ride the wind and fly home.
yet i fear the crystal and jade mansions are much too high and cold for me.
dancing with my moon-lit shadows,
it does not seem like the human world.
the moon rounds the red manison stoops to to silk-pad doors.
shines upon the sleepless bearing no grudge.
why does the moon tend to be full when people are apart ?
people may have sorrow or joy, be near and far apart.
the moon may be dim and bright, wax or wane.
this has been going on since the beginning of time.
may we all be blessed with longevity,
though far apart, we are still able to share the beauty of the moon together.

yes, some part of it sounds really weird, well i didnt do the translating so its okay. ( the real chinese version is very impressive, and they are only impressive because i a)cant read the chinese characters and b)dont know what the characters mean ) i just like the moon questions.

on a personal note, i am very hungry and there is nothing to eat at home. and on a second thought, i rather stay in singapore and eat katong laksa even if i was offered an all expenses paid trip to disney land. technically, you cant feel happy just because you are standing beside mickey mouse or donald duck, you just merely feel excited because you are in an over-rated place ( you wont know what until you get out of disney land ) and you realise you are too old for mouses and ducks, okay and also because you have never been there before. disney land is just conspiring to cheat you of all your money.

i like subway sandwiches, okay i just have to wonder about, someone.

ps. dont beat around the bush. because one fine day, bush will nuke you. alright, even if he doesnt, there's still tony blair, chirac and putin ! ( save georgie ! )

2005-09-13T21:59:00.000+08:00

i need to visit disney land, they claim to make people happy.

i cant stand to listen to really happy sounding songs, they make me want to throw myself into a seizure. but i also cant stand to listen to ultra depressing songs, they make me want to slide down my rubbish chute. so i have a very limited choice of songs.

i know i am starting to sound depressing again, but today is a rather depressing day and the night looks extremely depressing, i am going to just go depress my depression.

i am going watch mr garrison's new vagina.

to dance along to the light of the day

2005-09-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

the internet is a great space to share your perspectives, but people tend to abuse it and be overly critical.
1) blogs / websites that are created for the sole purpose to mock at other people ( i really pity george w bush, but at least his mockers have the diginity to refer to him by that real name and not some nickname, i think georgie is fine though )
2) guestbooks / comment boxes / tagboards / other similar medium getting flooded by anonymous people who critise the owner of the blog / website
3) spoofs ( they are only funny when you can do it right )

examples like that, show that :
a) these people are really opinionated ( i think its fine), subjective and small minded ( these are not fine )
b) they are attempting to be humorous ( like collin goh )
c) their obession with their cause reflects the degree of functionality whereby their brain works ( this is highly dependent on their different causes )

( i shall use georgie as an example to elaborate ) so okay, georgie was wrong and in that essence 'lied' about iraq's possession of weapons of mass descruction. then he made some really bad decisions about operation freedom - sending young marines into the battlefield and getting them killed. then the parents of the dead soldiers got angry with him for sending troops, and began campagning against the war. which in turn, leads to the spin off effects of having anti-bush content in the media, the internet and pretty anywhere else where views can be made. but they tend to forget that georgie is human and therefore not perfect ; they do not see things the way he does, plus they are not in his shoes. the mindless discrimination is appalling ( thank you carrie ), demostrators claim to want peace but yet, are unwillingly to forgive mistakes that are already being made. georgie may not be the brightest president but he did made economic reforms that helped improve the increasing unemployment rate. people tend to overlook the good changes and focus on the negative ones. as much externalities that his mistakes bring about, there has to be a time to really reflect and wonder why the mistakes were made.

we cant blame georgie forever, and even the war has to end, and it did. true peace will not come from ladies who knock on your door, it will only come from within you, when you make that choice to forgive and let out of whatever grudge you bear.

let georgie off !

2005-09-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

on my way out today, i had this greatest inspiration to write about love after a breakup. ( yes i know ) but now i think its not very pragmatic to write about it, because coming from me, it'd end up like in an incoherent big chunk of paragraph that consists of twenty lines that mean the same thing. plus, i just do not have the gift to write romantic things. i have better things to do, like breaking my lastest bejewled highscore of 126,905 along to the very lovelorn tunes to music from the eighties like you were always on my mind and oliva newton john.

we played the 'continue the story' game at via mar, and we were all just living our fantasies with it. ( i had to mention this, because it was the highlight of the night was ten mintues until everything got boring )

i do not feel at ease with myself now, i am going to just wait for two lady to come knocking on my door preaching the good news about true peace.

( i finally at upper thomson prata last night ! )

2005-09-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

have not been woken up so early in the morning for a long while. today seems fine, i could smell the morning crips and feel the strong breezes. okay, i'm going to talk a walk, and hopefully find my soul.

2005-09-07T21:43:00.001+08:00

days have passed, as the company advanced to the front line, we dug more trenches. day and night, all i hear was the continuous rattling of machine guns and it wouldn go away. i have been wounded, i have been given shots of morphine. all around me, bullets with no eyes, blood that has done no wrong. it made me mad, hatred will loom, anger will seed. it urges me to shoot them all. but i do not want to fight, i do not. its the only way, to make me feel alive, the only way to let me get out of these trenches alive. i tried look for some comfort in the greens, the lustre dusts into grey. i tried to look for some hope in the blue, the vastness ashes into grey. everyday, plain fighting and mere surviving. september doesn mean a thing, there's only day and there's only night. even in the day, the sun tortures in its glistering rays. during the night, the moon haunts in its pale glow. i hate this foreign place of unknowns, i wish i was home. i want to go home, thats where i smiled at the beauty of the sky.

trench deep, i am fighting to see the beauty world.

2005-09-05T23:49:00.000+08:00

tried my share of wine, champange, beer, spirits and cocktails. they are pretty fine, but everyone knows, that i do like beer alot. beer is bitter sweet but beer is good. but there's always a time, to try on something new.

check out the most idiotic photos even taken ! ( steamboat night, just different camera, lazy to upload )

2005-09-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

pina colada used to be just another ordinary drink i hear from a song. one day, i decided to try it. it tasted great, so i caught an immediate liking for it. with days following, i felt like i wanted to taste the cream-riched drink. went to a bar today, and i found myself asking for it.

even though, i didnt order it at the end of the day. i thought it wouldnt be healthy to think of it, too much.

still, i want to drink it.

2005-09-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

bejeweled highscore is now 95,255.

2005-09-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

i won a voucher of ten dollars from world of sports in the lucky draw of today's fun bowl. ( must be the sanskirt power ) our team, named gotham ( because there was a club momo ) by julian got in eleven out of twenty five teams. which is not bad, and i got the highest pinfalls in the group ! there were many bloopes, but i am just too lazy to narrate the entire story out. just ask peishan.

fun bowl was fun.

2005-09-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

( suddenly i feel as it my blog's a photo gallery ) photos taken yesterday, during teachers' day celebrations and steamboat trip.

YUAN, THIS IS FOR YOU, AND EVERYBODY WHO LOVES YOU. ( click it )

2005-09-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

i really want to be spared of all the whats wrong, why are you so quiet, why do you look so lifeless questions. its not a matter of who but me. this is why - just some negative externalities.

i will not make the same mistakes that you did.
i will not let myself, cause my heart so much misery.
i will not break the way you did, you fell so hard.
i've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far.

because of you, i never stray to far from the sidewalk.
because of you, i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt.
because of you, i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.
because of you, i am afraid.

i lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out.
i cannot cry, because you know that's weakness in your eyes.
i'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.
my heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with.

because of you, i never stray to far from the sidewalk.
because of you, i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt.
because of you, i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.
because of you, i am afraid.

i watched you die, i heard you cry every night in your sleep.
i was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
you never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain.
and now i cry in the middle of the night, for the same damn thing.

because of you, i never stray too far from the sidewalk.
because of you, i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt.
because of you, i try my hardest just to forget everything.
because of you, i don't know how to let anyone else in.
because of you, i'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.
because of you, i am afraid.

because of you, because of you.

do refrain from how's your day questions too, the only difference in everyday is the food i eat and the colour of my underwear.

2005-08-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

did you know i used to blog with plenty of smiley faces ?

in the land of december i'll sing a song of poppies.
'why do you go' asked the december rain,
'why do you go' replied a number twenty four.
to the land of poppies, to the land of champagne ;
but i'll meet you at the usual in the september night of ten.
tell me the scent of poppies ;
i'll tell you the taste of champagne.

2005-08-27T14:07:00.000+08:00

okay i did not, get any speech day awards, not even english. yes, not even english. i am 1) highly upset 2) extremely disappointed and 3) very vindictive. i cannot take such a blow.

sore. well because, i do not remember anyone getting higher scores than me for english during the prelims. my comprehension skills are better than gaya. ( OH, gaya won the award by the way ) that i am very certain. but maybe the deciding factor did not lie with paper 2. maybe its paper 1. for everybody's information, gaya uses really bombastic words in her compositions, but i dont. ( you can tell that from my style of writing ) which is why as of now, i am going to launch into a campaign of write simply, be understood. it just gets into my nerves, my blood vessels, my cells, whenever i come across blogs or essays that use so much big words, i feel a need to ( do what they do in secondary school ) do four newspaper cutting everyday and learn ten new words, big words, everyone to improve my vocabulary. then maybe, if i try to write with three big words in one sentence, i can top millennia.

i do not apologise if i'm being a nazi here, its the trend to be nazi now. ( if you are stupid, you'll think i hail hilter, i dont, i just hail people who speak, i mean write profoundly )

do you ( profound writers and bloggers, oh wait, is profound a profound word enough to use ) speak like how you write. we ( non profound writers and bloggers ), dont have to be profound writers and bloggers to know that you cant speak like how you write.

p.s bloggers or writers who use big words are being dragged down in this entry is purely because they are guilty of association with gaya's love of using big words too.

2005-08-27T03:03:00.000+08:00

so we played five ten, two four six eight, name games, word games, story games and even learnt how to dance to retro-funk. had a couple of good laughs, but it'll end just there. okay i didnt actually intended to sound so grey-black-depressing. i mean, going to happy doesnt mean that you'll feel happy. odd, but happy has this air of depression that'll follow you home. ( yes, technically air cant follow you home, because it is just air and air is everywhere, but just go with the flow here )

oh and i tried the wanton noodles at heerens, oh yes that really smelly 'grafiti' cafe with lovelorn ( really lovelorn, how about 'i love willie tay forever' ) messages pasted all over the windows and walls, and the dirty tables where everyone writes in very bad english ( really bad, 'i a-drawing-outline-of-a-heart u 4 eva' ). the noodles did not smell though, its like your clothes stink but your breath doesn.

and i finally realised ( only because someone told me ), that i can get higher scores, faster, if i choose to play the timed mode of bejeweled instead of the simple mode. and my high score, is seventy two thousand something something something. take this yuan ! ( her highest is only twenty four something something something, i checked the buddy scores statistic lab )

everytime if there is three millennians in a group, we will talk about 'this is mrs ong, your principle'. we made improvements today by talking about the different types of funiture in our classes and the different species of fishes in the toh tuck pond.

the hardest thing to do is not naming female names starting from letters a to z, but actually is to say 'hi, how are you ?'

2005-08-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

i observed the current trend of using the word 'uber' ( i checked the dictionary, it doesnt exist ) in substitute of the word 'super' ( i gather ).

let's play thesaurus words !

2005-08-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

you look into the moon, but it just looks back to you in silence. its amazing how the moon watches over you, and not speak a word, or show a hint. the moon's the same, from where you see it. perharps, from north, you see numerous craters, from south, you see few craters, or perharps from west, you cannot see a single crater at all. but how often do we realise that the even with it's different sides, it is, still, the same moon ?

too late when you do, the moon hates you already.

2005-08-23T18:29:00.000+08:00

it is awfully tragic, when the recording of your favourite song in your prized casette gets scratched. it is pathetically sad, when you still keep that old casette that cannot be played. it is terribly sorrowful, when you put that cassette in an audio player, attempting to play your favourite song.

when you try to play that scratched old casette.

2005-08-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

i am two-timing them.

2005-08-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

i have found, an internet radio channel that plays only boyband and blondes songs. yes, they actually name the channel boybands and blondes. now, this is really cute.

2005-08-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

there is an annoying advertisement thing, stuck in between the blogspot thing and my box, its being a total eyesore.

dont you ever wish, sometimes maybe, that you could be who you were yesterdays ago ? probably when you were in secondary two gushing over boybands, in secondary school exploring the prospects of relationships, in secondary four having the time of your last year in secondary school. well, of course not. boybands are like manufactured toys that you play with and then throwing it away, relationships are entered in plain blindness, last year in secondary school is just o levels. we all take a ferry ride to batam, leave our characteristics in this square ( or rectangle or oval ) thing called an urn, dig a hole in the nice sandy beach that everyone frequents, and then take a ferry ride back to mainland singapore. the rich and famous, needless to say, of course, go on an aeroplane ride ( not jetstar asia ), to some really foreign land, buy a air-conditioned crypt and there for a month or too, then take another aeroplane ( still not jetstar, they have money and are famous remember ) back to changi international airport then tranfer to a taxi, or maybe their luxary cars back to their very private property. so i guess that it is more practical, rich or poor ( ie. me ), we should all just stay in singapore.

we realised we actually miss having yuan around to make noise that reach to the decibel level a launching space shuttle. ( the debris that fall off from the shuttle is like yuan's saliva )

i feel like singing along to the very catchy tunes of boyband songs ! ( backstreet boys should stop trying to look like they have grown into men by clawing into sand in the middle of nowhere, not a very man thing, they should do what they do best and just sing, prance, complete with hand actions that make you want to throw popcorn at them )

2005-08-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes, when one of your close friends go overseas ( for whatever reasons ), they'd either expect or rather, demand you to write something about them. but when they ask you what do you want from whatever country they are in, and you go 'i want an ipod mini', they will kick up a big fuss and threaten to kiss you, which of course you'll get so frightened and will not mention the word 'ipod mini' again. moral of this paragraph : dont ask your friend for anything other than some cheap dried food stuffs like sundried salted fish.

it is very funny when someone smells smoke smell on you, they'd automaticaly assume that you smoked. so next time, if i happened to smell the tiniest scent of kfc on any of my friends, i will conclude that they work part-time for kfc. and it is also a wonder why no one, no one at all, suspects that guy sebestian is actually ronald mcdonalds. check out ronald's hair the next time you walk past a mcdonald fastfood resturant and recall guy sebestian in world idol.

no one is supposed to know that i have been in a rather good nice mood for the past few days. ( no it has nothing to do with yuan's disapperance to taiwan, felt good spirited even since she was still in singapore )

2005-08-19T17:55:00.000+08:00

i am killing time now.

( barely knowing each other for seven days )
partner 1 : i love you
partner 2 : i love you too

( barely together for one month )
partner 1 : baby, you complete me ( jerry mcguire style )
partner 2 : baby, you complete me too ( lizzy mcguire style )

( breakup after n amount of days )
partner 1 : you liar
partner 2 : you lied too

by virtue of conversations like that, we can conclude that a)we love easily, like eating prata and go 'i love prata' b)we get completed very easily, its like all of a sudden, the tiny little holes in your life get patched by low grade cement, thats why you get more holes at the end of the day, makes us feel just as slutty c)we all lie, oh yes, that great denial you try to hide so much in your panties or boxers.

by the way, we are all guilty of that. tragic.

2005-08-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

i had a feel good feeling today for eight hours. i hope it multiplies two fold tomorrow. i am going to watch more television and then sleep. weiru and joy are getting awards for speech day. i am upset, because i have not gotten any news about english - if i remembered correctly, i got the highest for prelims. oh hell boy with bad teeth is singing rick price's heaven knows on the superstar show on channelu ( i didnt know that programme existed till now ), boy with sissy pink sleeveless sweater sang blue's if you can back, their choice of songs really show that they do not know much english songs because they listen to too much chinese songs. i think bad teeth boy sings better than pink boy. even though i really think the songs they chose really ( i have to restort to using this term ), suck big time - the songs are bad, so so so bad. why didnt anyone sing like, elton john or something.

i grew up listening to jacky cheung, i had to say something irrelevant. okay wait, pink boy is good ( he is singing tong hua, they really dont have better songs to sing ).

i saw a princess today, dressed in light turquoise ;
a green hairband, as her crown tiara.
under a shady tent of regal purple ;
there on her steel throne she sat for ten seconds.
the side trumpets sung in royal decree ;
as the princess with the feisty attitude took her leave.
i saw a princess today, with a smile of east to west ;
i'm sending her a basket of yellow banans.

2005-08-17T10:36:00.000+08:00

taiwanese soap opera time ! i have been watching mindless soap operas and playing bejelwed for the past two days. in theory, i should have developed skills for playing games that involves the clicking of shapes but my intelligence would have decreased with the sudden back to back influx of soap operas about cheating husbands and adulterous wives ( my favourite ). i have to make full use of my two day mc.

i have decided to commit some of the seven deadly sins today - sloth and gluttony. yes, because i am supposed to rest at home.

i can hear the food calling me from the market two blocks away.

i am coughing like a muttering old widow.

2005-08-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

no, even if some scorpion, spider or lizards asks you ( remember, one year's supply of root beer ), i will not break up with you. you can only wish you'd get me out per. you are the only label, money, attention whore i know. ( friends dont break up ) its just that i no longer belong to the socialist party ( read : frequent anti-socialism tendancies ) anymore. say such things again and i will tell the world that you ( i have plenty of things i can use to blackmail you, this time, i want an ipod mini ). you are still my best friend, you psycho.

i will not have personal message type entries anymore, per, please appreaciate.

note : i just realised i've got a two day mc.

she's artemis, she's momos, she's aglaia. ( greek goddess and they sound really good )

2005-08-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

i had the wrongest terriying nightmare last night, my punishment for sleeping early. joy and you-know-who was there, but joy is not a very interesting person for me to talk about, and you-know-who had been mentioned too many times already. plus, should any of my friend talk to her, they will come and tell me. okay but the spotlight today here is on you-wont-know-who ( i am not telling, too embarrassing ), because i dreamt that you-wont-know-who and i were kissing in a taxi. it was a nice kiss, but that made the nightmare even worst.

went to the doctor's just now, he gave me so much medicine, my table looks like a pharmacy now. i have antibiotics, vitamins, cream, tablets that looks like a huge submarine, syrups. the clinic doesn accept nets, so i had to walk to the atm which is two blocks away. the doctor ought to give me two day mc instead of one, walking in the sun when you are sick is not a very good idea.

okay i'm stuck on bejelwed again, but i was supposed to go sleep.

2005-08-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

i have no time to elaborate about my exciting journey from queensway to eunos bus interchange to eunos market ( to eat mee reebus, very tasty by the way ), and to enous bus interchange and then to school. the reason why i'm allocating lesser time to blogging is because i am currently very occupied with playing bejewled. i'm like the gestapo catching and rounding people up ( anyone and everyone ) to play the game with me. i feel quite nazi already.

actually i was rather feverish in school and was coughing real bad. so i had a really rife debate about this house believes that cheryl should take early leave and rest at home. the proposition was being a total bitch, but the opposition was abit irrational. its like being stuck in a relationship that in the doldrums ( wow ), and you have to decide if you should stay or go. staying is plain irrational, when you involve opportunity costs. going is perfectly rational, considering the things you can do but you cant should you stay. then again, going also mean that you are going to miss certain things, good or bad thats unpredictable. it goes on and on, but yes, you get the idea. i settled to follow that singaporean construction worker singer and jian zhi dao de this time, for once.

i am an economist. okay not really, only for the part where i assume a lot of things.

2005-08-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

i feel very dishearted. my brother is talking to me but i am ignoring him. i am actually feeling sad. the past is catching up, the past is catching up. i have to admit i had a rather, very bad one. its something i can change but cannot erase.

was intending to write a story about two estragled friend and how one friend flew to the bahamas, but now i think i ought to fly to the bahamas instead. alright okay i shall stop obsessing over it and click on red squares, grey circles, purple triangles, blue diamonds, orange hexigons and yellow squared kites. or maybe i should find the yellow river in china and jump into it. or watch the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and get some inspiration from it and brainwash my brain and probably all of singapore's.

everybody one, two step on my toe.

2005-08-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

okay television rerun time again. watching the repeat broadcast of national day parade and playing bejewled at the same time. i am really bad at playing games that involves the clicking of pictures, colours, shapes ( mahjong is a different ). and i am going to brush up on my skills, quite annoying to get mocked by everyone else because i suck at it. plus, everyone either plays puzzle and word games, ( which i am very bad ) and no one wants to play thinking games like checkers or minesweeper with me. ( which i am better at )

i bet no one knows i want to march ( like those soldiers ) for national day parade, and i alway bet that no one knows that i can differentiate the different type of military units.

i am browsing aeroplanes and naval vessels with my brother now.

ENLIST !

2005-08-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

a letter and a bag of waffles, in the middle of the dimly lighted one-way street. there was only one direction to go, to follow the distinct white arrow against the dark tar. counting the parked cars and listening to the barking dogs as i walk on by, it started to drizzle. but the raindrops fell in a frenzy as i hurried my footsteps, down the nostalgic lane of yesterdays. i stopped by your gate ; the lights are not on, the doors are shut, though your dog's barking - no one's home. i placed the bag of waffles that i have always wanted to give but did not in your letter box, i bended down to my knees, hunching my shoulders, i scribbled "i came looking for you, but you weren't home. this bag of waffles, i hope you'll like it." i folded the note and stuffed it in the letter box.

i like stories with a sad ending, they make more sense than stories that end with a happily-ever-after. sometimes i ought to work in the children section's of the library as a storyteller, not that i am very good at it. i achieved full attendance this week in school ! well, i only had to go for two days and a half, but nevertheless i went and pressed on ahead. yesterday was the first thrusday that i attended school in weeks.

jul's telling me her love story now, so interesting. ( refraining from using the so sweet term now ) i am going to die of excessive lovely-dovely-ness.

2005-08-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

stock up the cellar, light up the cigarettes and fatten up the wallets.

2005-08-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

feeling the breeze of the cold crisp air, by the pavement of the end of the road. i squatted as i inhaled deeply into my cigarette. i looked around and i saw a humming bird hovering above, 'what are you doing at this time of the night?'circling for a few more rounds, it came and sat beisde me. i looked into it's eyes and i saw an ocean of tragedy. 'i have lost my directions', it said, swallowing it's pride. taking it by the edge of my fingers, i answered sympathetically, 'i can't find my way too.' ( i cant continue the story anymore. i'll just end it ) humming bird smiled faintly, and it flew off into the dead of the night. i waved a goodbye, and i walked into the dead of my night.

if i happen to sound overly emotionless, that is because i am busy mourning over my tragic life. but if i happen to sound overly sarcastic, this is because when i talk emtionlessly, it will come across to others as being sarcastic. then if i happen to sound really bitchy, it is only because i am being sarcastic.

have i told anyone about the story of a delusioned defendant who thinks she's the plantiff ? remind me.

2005-08-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

i am window shopping for cars online now while jul is window for clothes.

wmet with up joy and weiru for pool in the evening, saw quite a number of exoutramians, was like this mini outram gathering tsk. joy brought us to this new place pepper lunch at taka basement, food was quite alright. planning to bake a cake for weiru tomorrow at joy's. it's his birthday tomorrow.

dont, just dont.

my mood just died. i am blogging from an internet portal in hell.

2005-08-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

following up on our night out at gotham, we were yeah ( very loser behavior ) but talking about the notable and the not-so-notable girls last night. we all agreed that there is this one girl who was like ( i need to think of a descriptive word ), hot. okay yeah.

i managed to stay scandal free last night. okay must get changed already. i need to remember to not be bitchy. i am going to miss watch npd this year. tsk. i saw the fireworks so i guess it's fine.

i honestly dont see why this is so difficult. i will always avoid that issue and you'd bring it up, then we'd argue about it for awhile. and i'll say something ( that i know would either make you feel very annoyed and irritated so much that you wont reply ). just wanted the conversation to stop there ( esacping from problem remember ) without realising that the problem is not addressed.

i suddenly am interested in the her nation party, this time it'd be lesbian. okay fine i admit, i had fun last night.

2005-08-09T14:01:00.000+08:00

so fine, i did not sit in one corner of gotham. i was rather, dancing the very night away. till i got interuppted by some raid thing. everything went on fine, till they started playing love songs. i wanted to go up to the dj and basically choke him with the fishes in the aquriam. watching couples or strangers dancing intimately with eavh other was highly sickening. but eventually i guess it's alright and quite fun to club once in a while.

why did i even think that i could evade the whole why-are-we-being-hostile-to-each-other thing. i think its not that we knew each other back then, but i suppose it all boils down to the in the end. tragic, i feel so tragic for myself.

2005-08-08T18:05:00.000+08:00

okay please pray for me, i'm leaving for town soon. if anything goes wrong at gotham, i hope batman will come save me.

2005-08-08T14:22:00.000+08:00

okay national day celebration was fun ( you'd have never expect this from me ), my entire class performed an item, and we sang dayong sampan - all i did was to shout 'wow' really loudly, the take a little trip around singapore town song where i jsut clapped and turn right and left, then was the very famous tamil song that everyone knows, but nobody knows it's title - i didnt know how to pronounce the words so i made up my own lyrics and we sang a birthday song ( to singapore yes ) in chinese.

of course i'd only take photos of myself

( decided to add some colours ) thats me in the foreground, ronald sitting down and uh salli standing up - dont say i only take my own face

( more colours colors ) okay lynette and me, quite pretty right tsk, ignore the long neck

right okay, have i mentioned that we had a kite flying competition too ? yes, my class's kite was made of newspaper, and it flew, quite rather high. this shows that even crap can fly, provided with the right resources. was totally hen-pecked by yang in the outdoor basket ball court, i was made to stand in front of her to block the very strong sunrays. this also shows that i am very much taller than yang. i had to wear a white shirt and black pants for the performance, but i have NO white shirts so i stole my father's white polo tee with quite cool blue horizontal lines that make me look fat, and for the entire time i felt like jp ( she has an love affair with polo tees ). and the most awful part was where i wore this black cargo pants that belonged two years ago. and that brown / gold thing hanging on my shoulder is a sarong.

there is a ghost show on channel eight now.

2005-08-07T20:18:00.000+08:00

after every time i tell a sucidal friend not to die because there is a better world out there, i plot my own death.

felt so annoyed just now while playing pool i wanted to twist and break the cue stick, but of course i couldn because i have no strength to even break a wooden ruler. oh yes, i didnt not win a sinlge round. my concentration just was not there, and i am not a very patient and gentle person.

i remember there was this period of time where i was so allegic to certain shania twain or martina mcbride songs, that i'd feel my stomach churn, my intestines contract, my blood flow inversing should i hear them. but that was this period of time, so after this period of time had become a page in the history textbook, i grew resistant to them.

currently discussing tomorrow's plans, oh hell, please let lightning strike gotham and set it ablaze. they cant wait for monday, which is tomorrow. it feels like a death call to me. so i am going to talk in advance about what will happen tomorrow, because i already know : i sat on the sofa and did my usual, and it felt more exciting than dancing on the dancefloor.

okay just read something that was quite rather tragic. guess there are always somethings where we could only go with an i wish, tragic. ( i have a feeling i am going to overuse this word )

oh, shanghai noon on television now ! i am going to eat my mee hoon goreng and then plot for my death again.

2005-08-07T02:30:00.001+08:00

my exgirlfriend cheated on me more than once, i cry, moan, goan and wail. then a thought, there's no meaning no life anymore, and it hurts too bad. i am going to end my life. i cut myself, i see the blood profusing from my bare arms. the hurtful feelings still remain. i popped pills, one after another, two after two. i dont remember the pain going away.

when i woke, i saw the rectangle ceiling light. i feel the strain in my stomach, i see the scars left on my arms. i still sense the betrayal. they thought i was crazy, i was made to see a shrink. but they do not know, the pain, the love, the laughters, the anger that i face in every blink that my eyes take.

i tried to pick up the debris that fell, the wreck that she left behind. i went on with my life, i tried to love again, but i couldn. she's a tatoo, marked on my body ; a grim sorrowful reminder. yet, i will still love her.

i hate her, that girl who stole my love away. does she even treat her good ? does she show her the amount of care i have for her ? does she provides enough security like i gave ? does she know her the way i do ?

the tears and the blood are nothing, she is everything.

for another moment, she was back, but now she had gone, like how she did times before. i should have knew, i should have been smarter. this time, it hurts even more, i really do not have the strength to carry on.

not anymore.

i have countless lighters to set myself on fire, one short penknife to make nice cute little slits on my wrists to waste blood and one more longer rusty penknife to slit myself and poison my bloodstream. you see, i was all out of love and was so lost without you-know-who ( ripping harry potter off here ), but i am still alive.

dont look at me and go oh i am not as strong as you blahblah. who told you i was strong, i was not. people just probably dont know ( just a matter of pride to save face ) the nights i sat curled in the corner of my room, the cans of beer i emptied, the sticks of cigarettes i took, the wet towels i soaked because i couldn find any tissue paper in my room. and oh how i wished numerous uncountable times she'd just came back, unbreak my heart and take the sorrows away. eventually, i had to face the truth that i will not be with her again ( yes, james blunt ).

i am one bad example lovelorn idiots should look to, but ( i must have said this more than the number of times george bush insisted that saddam hussein has weapons of mass destruction ) after every rain - hurrican, tornado, hail storm, frogs or men, the rainbow will appear. and if you follow the rainbow, you will find a nice pot of gold at the end of it. then you look up to the sky ; the clouds have cleared, you will see the sun and feel the warmth of its rays. only illogical people follow and stand in the rain. i like the rain and i like to watch it, but i do it indoors.

my friend, i didnt let my love for someone destroy my life ( oh be quiet, i am trying to convince someone here ), physically ( there i have covered my grounds ).

be like me, create a hypothetical love life and sing along, loudly, to corrine may's save me. and then like the big bang, someone will just come from nowhere and save you. but when the person doess come, open the door and let her in.

and if it sucks so bad, tell us, we go ktv with you and scream.

2005-08-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

watched some hongkong ultra melodramatic show on cable just now, ( the story line was not the point ) and this really nice song came on, something something, want to be alone tonight, something something under the starry night something something i can still see you smile something something.

oh tsk, i want to feel like a happy jay chou jian dan ai song and not some ( must think of a tragic song ) ni ting de dao.

i have created a photo album for photographs i have taken in black and white.

2005-08-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

i am watching zhen qing reruns on television.

today's repeat episode : jealous girlfriend, diverts boyfriend's calls to her phone, worried about boyfriend's upcoming project that involves pretty models. i do not like skimpily dressed woman prancing in front of you. later on, girlfriend visits boyfriend in studio and stares at all the models. model gets irritated and threatens to walk out. boyfriend got scolded, boyfriend tells girlfriend that they should not spend too much time together, girlfriend gets upset and ask when will she see him again, boyfriend says i will call you soon. the next day boyfriend calls, girlfriends want to have dinner but boyfriend has to entertain a client. girlfriend check boyfriend voicemail messages and tells friend i am his girlfriend, of course i have every right to know everything about him.

monday is looming nearer and closer. i hope gotham will be set on fire by arsonists.

2005-08-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

the rainbows are not extinct, they are just hidden behind the clouds ;
you'll find them one day.
you saw a beautiful one,
but you'll see an even more maginificant one.

feel damn gelyed ( private joke ), my life revolves around playing mahjong online, and getting so engrossed by it that i do nothing but click on mahjong tiles. should i be devoid of a social life, it is because i am at home playing mahjong on the computer.

but yes of course, i also take part in some exciting covet activities like, engaging in very revengful conversations with some girl who works in mcdonalds. apparently, i threatened to stab and stalk her, dont ask me why, her face had the words 'BE EVIL TO ME' written all over. i was about to do wage a blog war ( oh yes BLOG WAR ) with her, but sadly, even evil villians have to compromise sometimes.

2005-08-05T15:34:00.000+08:00

i am tuning into this gay internet streaming radio now, they songs are really gay ( no offence ), i have heard boyband songs ( no pun ).

i am going to play online games now. yes okay the mahjong game is extremely addictive, and i have been playing it since noon.

they had just informed me that they'll be late. so okay, mahjong here comes the killer.

oh tsk i absolutely love my very bitchy friends.

2005-08-05T11:07:00.000+08:00

signed out early today, i suspect i have a slight fever and stomach flu, but its only a prelimary suspicion. so i dont have to scrowl my brain to decide if i should go toh tuck to gym ( oh sure to work my muscles out ) or go out for a show with doll. even though i strongly favour watching a movie then risking my dear life to appear at toh tuck on a touch training day. ( i am sure everyone would have heard of those stupid little silent breakups things, i am well, silent quiting. in the abstinence period now ) but doll is sick, and i am not even in school.

probably am going to make up for lost time by going to study later.

( as anyone can tell from my template colour scheme ), i am into black and white now, including black and white photography.

listen to girls just want to have fun on a bright friday late morning.

oh yes, before i left for school just now, benny lim told me to not chiong out too late, stay home and rest. i really wanted to burst out into a loud eye rolling laughter.

the only exciting prospect of clubbing, is just a nice sofa to sit on, and praying that the club serves draft hoegarden.

2005-08-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

went mount e just now, again, yuan was suspected of having dengue fever. went to find a drink dispenser machine, because i have to get a drink from a vending machine everytime i go to the hospital, or else, i'd feel weird and incomplete. oh and i totally marvelled at the fact that i found the delivery section, which is located at tower 2 level 3.

okay the girl on the channel eight show, is killing herself by popping pills because the man she oh so loves, is marrying her friend. its quite tragic, dont you think.

oh tsk. sometimes i would just like to take a syringe and stab myself. ( i am hospital inspired today )

2005-08-03T23:08:00.000+08:00

the thing about being at home, using your computer, is that no one will ever know if you listen to techno. ( of course that is if you do not turn the 'tune on what i am listening in to' thing on msn )

was just wondering, what will happen if i really transfer to toh tuck.

2005-08-03T19:32:00.000+08:00

bartley sells hor fun, hokkien mee, fried rice in the afternoon ; i love school even more now. after seeing the principle ( oh it was real bad, the talk was supposed to be about smoking but somehow i ended confessing my utter preference for the same sex ), i went to hide in the toilet thinking that the period was history. but when i decided to go back to the classroom, hell, it was econs.

my subconscious is doing something my conscious cannot decipher.

postponed my smoking session and came back to sleep instead. despite my exhaustion today, i managed to not sleep at all in school ; not even during silent reading or gp. talking about gp, i was listening to ajit's very funky punjabi cd while doing an essay.

we are still being weird. the context of the message doesn matter, its the take care thing. its so weird and sardonic that it ends up being sadistically funny. saying take care is like a standard protocol type of phrase, but this is just like hitting in your face.
( some time ago ) me : .. .. .. .. .. .. take care.
( this afternoon ) her : .. .. .. .. .. .. take care.

mrs ong the principle is my new best friend, she asked me to tranfer to toh tuck.

2005-08-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

i decided to do something in my life. as other people may or may not know, swimming had always been my first love. and i am thinking of making swimming as a cca in school. asked mr aszlan about it and i am going to discuss with him about it tomorrow. so, i need to widen my social circle in toh tuck - everyone knows everyone in bartley.

there's a party at onyx on the 5th of august. honestly, its looks more exicing than the gotham party. ( not that i am totally into clubbing )

okay good, i am starting to talk again.
yuan : dont let your curiousity kill you
yuan : like how it killed the cat
me : my curiousity died already

per is being cheapo and she is updating me about her life by sending me a message on friendster.

i am being told for the tenth time that this stream is full, please try again later. okay then, change station, all 80s music now, nice, and the stream is not full.

i gave up on my habits of posting song lyrics, but this is a real beautiful one. ( though carrie and i agreed that the whole notion of i-cant-live-without-you is utter crap )

james blunt - goodbye my lover
did i disappoint you or let you down ?
should i be feeling guilty or let the judges frown ?
cause i saw the end before we'd begun,
yes i saw you were blinded and i knew i had won.
so i took what's mine by eternal right.
took your soul out into the night.
it may be over but it won't stop there,
i am here for you if you'd only care.
you touched my heart you touched my soul.
you changed my life and all my goals.
and love is blind and that i knew when,
my heart was blinded by you.
i've kissed your lips and held your head.
shared your dreams and shared your bed.
i know you well, i know your smell.
i've been addicted to you.

goodbye my lover.
goodbye my friend.
you have been the one.
you have been the one for me.

i am a dreamer but when i wake,
you can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
and as you move on, remember me,
remember us and all we used to be
i've seen you cry, i've seen you smile.
i've watched you sleeping for a while.
i'd be the father of your child.
i'd spend a lifetime with you.
i know your fears and you know mine.
we've had our doubts but now we're fine,
and i love you, i swear that's true.
i cannot live without you.

goodbye my lover.
goodbye my friend.
you have been the one.
you have been the one for me.

and i still hold your hand in mine.
in mine when i'm asleep.
and i will bear my soul in time,
when i'm kneeling at your feet.

goodbye my lover.
goodbye my friend.
you have been the one.
you have been the one for me.

i'm so hollow, baby, i'm so hollow.
i'm so, i'm so, i'm so hollow.

well, it its not so bad, that station was the best i ever heard.

i am going to fly on a silver plane now.

2005-08-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

okay so once again, i found myself staring into the monitor and where my reaction timings are three seconds slow. my life is too boring. well okay there are some exciting but alarming discoveries. blog bitching is pointless, i'll probably bitch scorn moan groan about it the next time we meet. got some disowning to do now. i am so dismayed, i am going to join butch hunt two years later.

i am highly distressed, my internet radio is not playing, it kept on telling me the stream is full, the stream is full. make space for me. three hours have passed but the stream is still full. other people go to sleep and be considerate and let me listen.

oh yes, i had difficulty in hailing a taxi to meet doll at the esplanade. firstly, the cabs ( not hired, not changing shifts ) refuse to stop. secondly, some really fat maris stella primary school boy tried to cut my queue by standing few metres ahead of me. i honestly dont appreaciate people who cut my queue. i affectionally call them slut faces or pussy lickers ( female or male ). so okay, i walked even further down, ahead of him. i got my taxi. nobody steals my taxi.

corrinne may is good, let me have a hypothetical love life and sing along to save me.

2005-07-31T23:55:00.000+08:00

tomorrow will be a better day, i am so absoutely sure.

anyhow, i discovered the wonders of internet radio broadcasting. i am tuning in to some channel that plays only music from the nineties, which means no yells screams screeches from very punk boys ( girls dont like boys, girls like cars and money, this is very true ), boybands ( backstreet boys are never gone ), girlbands ( only spice in news is posh spice, because of david beckham ) or mixedbands ( they all died, look what happened to s club 7, all anyone remembers is rachel stevens ).

coffee club burger does not taste good. do not eat it unless you have ten dollars and eighty cents to spare, donate for nkf causes instead. okay was in a foul mood just now, but life is so unpredictable, plus i am highly unpredicatable, which makes it extra unpredictable. i am now in a fine mood.

internet radio is addictive, the music they play is so good ( at least the 90s music channel ), i am having a problem of going offline. i need to go sleep or i will have gucci eye bags tomorrow.

excessive online chatting has adverse effects on your body, it makes me feel very thirsty.

2005-07-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

thank you for calling and have a nice day.

the daylight's only black and white.

went ktv today, i just dont like it anymore. i am over exposed to the jay chou jay chou jay chou songs, and the idea holding a mircrophone lost its appeal. lost interest in social activities, i am starting to dislike it. i probably overdosed myself.

i cant even stand listening to songs that sound happy, its just not me. i must have exchanged my brain with someone else unknowlingly. i ought to pay a visit to my lost characteristics at its grave, someday. i'll buy a rose too. i am not jaded, i have only gone to jupiter. doesn it scare anyone, that i am hardly the person i was.

some sexy video screen saver thing auto installed itself in my computer, and i saw a woman dressed up as a nurse ( i dont understand the concept behind role playing, have sex with a nurse if you want to, why ask your girlfriend / wife / whoever to dress up like one ) and then the nurse, a blonde ( how sterotypical ), attempted to dance really sensually. then another woman, another blonde, tried to dance really seductive, but honestly, you cannot look seductive while clad in a t-shirt and shorts. so next, was this jingle woman wearing a bra with christmas tree decorations attached to the cups and very long lingering ear rings dangling out from her panties. and i cannot uninstall it, but at least ( thank god ), i can disable it from appearing and stop making me feel like watching digimon on kids central. maybe i can find its source and then find a way to send it to my very sexually active friend.

i am searching for a beacon of light, a coloured beacon of light.

2005-07-30T12:32:00.000+08:00

both fans in my room are spoilt. slept on the sofa in the hall until my parents left for work and i slept in their room.

its my turn to talk to ferns today.

sometimes the black humor of everything can get too unbearable.

2005-07-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

i was at pasir ris beach today, to calm my nerves and nervousness for the impending ptc. but of course as usual, the topic always digresses. the weather got too hot, ( wore black onyx shirt again ) so we decided to emigrate to downtown eat mcdonalds, felt absolutely chalet-like.

and while at mcdonalds, ( i had a very nice view of wild wild wet, and i constantly look out for the huge yakult bucket to pour water out in a big big gush ) jul started to mumble to the ferns.

so as we walked back to the bus stop, jul kept pointing signs out to me. normal harmless signs like thank you and have a nice day, drive-in, everything's waiting for you, it was so hilarious i wanted to voodoo her with twenty pins. okay it wont be funny if you dont know the pun.

i survived ptc, so everyone can cancel my funeral preparations. i feel safe now.

there was some funny thing going on at the school carpark, and there was this telescope. it was surronded by quite a lot of teachers, parents and students ( singaporeans what ), anyhow, i looked into the telescope and i saw jupiter and its four moon. i could see jupiter from my naked eye, and it was really bright.

finally, an exiciting day for a longer entry.

2005-07-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

i have this feeling i am going to spend my money impulsively on material objects. i feel very introverted lately. note my very vague, boring, sleep-inducing entries.

today, i conclude that my friends and i have abnormal relationships
me : we do not have normal relationships
jul : we have totally roller coaster type
me : then in front got tv mobile showing soap opera - chinese, japanese, korea, american

for once, i'm going to sleep early. there's parent teacher conference tomorrow, it will be war of the worlds.

right now, i am going to be a superhero and fight menstral cramps.

2005-07-28T19:42:00.000+08:00

mcfly girl is so funny when she watched a horror show today, she had to hide her face behind her bag. and she refused to let go of her bag. she needs to stop being cute. oh i found out today she's a member of mensa. yes mensa, the organisation that rejected me because apparently i was not intelligent enough in their tests. and she has nice dimples at the sides of her mouth.

tried to shop and got some really cheap purchases. oh yes, tweleve boxes of durians at thrity bucks, two boxes of them were rotten. there's three boxes left, but so far i have only eaten like two little pieces of it. ben is making a special ops mission out of them, to finish all of it.

2005-07-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

i said i'd write a song for an ex, so here goes.

( a song without a melody )
one day you called and asked my day
i said it was fine so how are you
a goodnight girl and i hang up
but i didnt say how you're stil on my mind

another day you called and cried
i said it'd be fine and you'll be better
a take care girl and you hang up
but i just didnt tell you i'll be right here

few days later you called and laughed
i said i'm glad you're having a good time
a goodbye girl and we hang up
but i still didnt say just how much i've missed you

someday maybe i'll call and sing
this song without a melody
and i'll say 'hi girl, do you remember me'
an 'i never did' then i'll hang up
then you'll know the words i meant to sing all along

2005-07-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

i seriously am having a writing drought. i dont know what to talk about, mainly because i got nothing much to talk about.

okay then let me lament. ajit's the top scorer for management in my class, and the difference in our marks is ONE.

just taught mum how to check her emails.

got another letter with pig sticker today.
mcfly girl : why am i a mcfly girl please

because she obviously is ( there is a pun here ), obviously, mcfly ; title, artist. YES that is why mcfly girl is mcfly girl.

2005-07-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

i waited long for the create post page to load, and in the process of it, i lost all inspirations for a very interesting entry.

the george michael song careless whisper keeps appearing in my head, but i have absolutely no idea how it goes except for i'm never gonna dance again ..

quite dismayed with some things now, myself included. hotel rooms with a clear view of the singapore skyline are extremely dangerous, because when you see a magnificent sight like that, you will naturally think of how you wish someone special / important / others was there to share the sight with you, then you will realise the person is not there, following which, you will start to feel nostalgic.

for self-consolation purposes, ( another hotel inspired crap poem )
scrapping the clear skylines,
the towers that shadow us ;
comes construction and deconstruction.
for you were there,
but you will be gone.
( unless the parliment in my brain decides to grant her the status of heritage conservation building )

okay then there is mcfly-obviously-girl, who thinks orchids are ugly. okay fine, the white ones are, but the yellow ones are pretty. who also sent two most outrageously cute message to me today. and i couldn laugh due to the environment i was in, bus interchange. but she was being really stupid yet funny. but, yes mcfly tells it all in obvisouly.

found old school apollo chocolate waffles in the fridge, much to my delight ( say it they way the british does ), only to find it tastes expired or lao hong, hokkien again.

2005-07-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

hotel rooms are fun, especially when you have a hen and a peck, you can always have a good laugh. plus it gets sadistically exciting when i always happen to call some people at some very odd timings.

fun fact : you can squeeze six people ( namely shorty beer-belly1 noisy beer-belly2 tall beer-belly3 ) into a bed at shangri la.

i decided to be literature-ish today. ( i'm starting to write fictional things, i thought it'd be fun to play guessing games )

with a glass of red wine in the right,
and a stick of smoke on the other side,
i glanced out the frosted panel.
sipping and inhaling ;
i thought i heard you call out my name.

okay i'm going to tuck in and dream about et and yoda fighting.

anyhow, it just so happens there was a yellow orchid in the room and it just so happened that orchids are mentioned in the stamp thing we did during htp today.

2005-07-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

watched et just now, he reminds me of yoda except that he speak worst english.

et : come
boy : stay

i can just go pick durians at geylang myself. i'm at my wits end now, i have no idea what to blog about now. let me go sing an unwritten song.

boy : i'll be right here
et : i'll be right here

you know, i really want to fly on a bicycle.

2005-07-24T18:26:00.000+08:00

today's a boring day, we were supposed to go play pool at clementi but we ended playing pool ( now ) on yahoo.

the weather was extremely good to roll in bed, i rolled until two plus. woke up to gossip about our friends' lives and discuss unproductively about nothing.

okay i'm really too bored. i'm going to write songs about my exgirlfriends now.

2005-07-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

the cool and funky people are staying at home and not clubbing now.

headed town, laura got this really nice black toga from perfect in black, it is really nice. its like the oh-let-me-fall-in-love-with-her-again type of nice. ( analogy ) went over to upper thomson prata, had mee hoon goreng.

went to esplanade in the night with sarah and her friend sandra. saw fireworks from ndp, was really spectacular. ( was there last year too, but this year was more beautiful ) we stayed too watch this mini performance of this australian singer. and tsk, leonard cheong ( outram teacher ) was the bassist of the band.

i had this pimple on my chin ( below my lip ), and while we were at the bus stop waiting for the bus, it started to bled. as none of us had tissue paper, poor sarah had to offered her towel to me. the sight of me bending forward towards her arm bag, cleaning my bleeding chin with only a tiny portion of cloth pulled out from the bag was funnier than police and thief.

anyhow, jul has finally made good use of my birthday present for her.

2005-07-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

i got a letter and a twix stapled to it today.

i'm currently very attached to watching crude south park cartoons and playing online games, no not orgasm girl ( if anyone is wondering ). i play more innocent games like spongebob and sex kitten. tsk. okay i'm okay to play my mindless games while waiting for south park to be downloaded. i'm stealing intellectual property.

unicorns are cute.

2005-07-22T12:03:00.000+08:00

just came back from the doctor's.

me : i feel a sharp pain at my left lower stomach
doctor : not around the bone right
me : no, only at the left part
doctor : your shit is stuck and your intestines is trying to push it out, thats where the pain came from
me : OH

the doctor also says i lack fibre, but tobacco comes from plants, and the greens contain fibre. i'm sure i consume ample amount of fibre then, in fact, sometimes i think i consume abundant amounts of it.

2005-07-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

she knows. the whole conversation was quite funny, but thats just it. naturally, i wont expect much given the circumstances.

i need some excitement in my life. maybe growing durians in my room or investing time and efforts on rearing a catus. yes okay, i am going to head down to ikea real soon.

hey jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
remember to let her into your heart
then you can start to make it better

hey jude, don't be afraid
you were made to go out and get her
the minute you let her under your skin
then you begin to make it better

and anytime you feel the pain
hey jude refrain
don't carry the world upon your shoulders
for well you know that it's a fool
who plays it cool
by making his world a little colder

hey jude don't let me down
you have found her, now go and get her
remember to let her into your heart
then you can start to make it better

so let it out and let it in
hey jude begin
you're waiting for someone to perform with
and don't you know that it's just you
hey jude, you'll do
the movement you need is on your shoulder

hey jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
remember to let her under your skin
then you begin to make it better
better, better, better, better, better, oh

the pot always calls the kettle black.

2005-07-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

watch the rain, watch the sun

for the girl who watches the rain ;
raindrops fall and wet your ground,
but let it not make you fall or lose your ground.
the dark clouds that hover are constantly changing ;
the harsh drops that litter are always dampening.
look out for that ray of light waiting to busrt forth ;
that streak of warmth,
that glimpse of hope.
the rain will stop.
for the girl who watches the rain,
will watch the sun.

2005-07-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

we had to do this personal qualities thing during pastoral care thing today. so we had to highlight the qualities we think we have, and mine's as followed ;
adaptable, articulate, broad-minded ( homosexual gay pride please ), businesslike ( profit motivated, result driven ), capable ( dont belittle or sneer me ), caring ( very subjective as i'm only caring to people i decide to be caring to ), creative ( at least i think so ), idealistic, imaginative, independant, inquistive, intelligent, intuitive, observant, perceptive ( VERY ), punctual ( almost always ), sacrificial ( you dont see it, but i do ), witty ( on certain days ).

the more notable i-am-nots are as followed ;
affectionate, appreciative, assertive, brave, cheerful, commited, compassionate, conscientious ( i have no conscious on some days ), daring, dedicated, dependable, determined ( i am not ), dilligent, disciplined ( the only discipline i have is to make the effort to not wake up before one on weekends ), effective, efficient, empathetic, enthusiatic, encouraging ( i can discourage better ), fair, frank, gentle, happy, helpful, honest, humorous, insightful, inspiring, kind, lovable, loving, mathematical, mechanical, modest ( i boost alot ), motivating, organised, patient ( sorry lost it ), peaceful, perservering, principled ( i have NO whatsoever ), quiet, ratin\onal, reasonable, reflective, reliable, resourceful, responsible, sensitive, spontaneous, strong ( neither physically nor mentally ), usassuming ( study econs too much ), visonary.

note the contrast tsk. school was cute today. were talking before morning assembly with lynette, yang and co, and suddenly i just smiled and laughed to my phone, to which yang said wah why you smile and laugh until like that.

then it started to rain and i felt rather sad. later on during econs ( raj gave us free period ), i went to read strait times, and i came across this essay that some rj student wrote in entry to the commonwealth essay writing competition. it was about this little boy who was dying, and he was watching the rain from his hospital bed, he knew he was dying, but he smiled for the rain, for he knew the sun come out after it. then it hit me, so to sum it up :

the beckoning beauty of the rain,
the sun will be up soon enough.

today on a whole was rather delightful, i scored highest in class for gp comprehension, and second for gp overall. but i was quite disappointed with the essay. steph wong said my essay was abnormal, high for language, low for content. was generally in a good mood in school today, ( very obvious but subtle hint why i was feeling nice ) except for the part where some idiots talked so loudly RIGHT BESIDE ME, while i was napping in class. hahaha someone obviously made me smiled today. feel a need to amg chio, hokkien dont know how to spell, something like chuckle but less psychotic.

my mother suddenly became cute.
me : i must see principal on wednesday
mum : for what
me : the smoking thing
mum : oh dont smoke already la still tell me you dont smoke
me : oh
mum : remind me to pay your fine

yes someone if anyone reads my blog, kindly remind me to book myself for a smoking cession clinic at any polyclinic, i have to. part of the school's plan to help me quit smoking. this is quite funny.

thats not lip service.

2005-07-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

the recover post of my blog does not work at all. thank goodness my entry consisted of only two short paragraphs.

the first paragraph was about how i woke up indefinitely at four, and went to buy one packet of rice and another packet of rojak. i finished them all, and i felt like a immobile lump of lump.

headed down town after much persuasion in the evening at spins. met the rest minus julian plus steph and sarah. took bad jul wasn there, or millennia will really rock. i even wore the onyx shirt out tsk. okay i must stop being so patriotic to mi.

there were two sunkist oranges on the table, felt quite restless so i tried to get orange juice out of one. and it tasted good. i'm only going to patronise sunkist oranges from now on.

aaron carter's crush on you is highly adorable.

2005-07-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

i cracked an egg just now and the embryo ( i have forgotten how to spell it, i'm sorry biology textbook ) came out, plus some blood. so i cracked another egg, the same thing happened, but without blood and a smaller embryo instead. a waste of eggs, remind me to write a complain letter to the health science authority.

dont mock me but i'm downloading aaron carter's songs. ( circa when he was still a short little boy with very bad floopy hair )

i am going to watch south park.

2005-07-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

okay now my monitor is working, got a new cpu and i am finally using broadband, but my speaker is not functioning properly, it keeps coughing. and now it is totally spoilt, i cannot hear my songs. ( i did not abuse the speakers )

problem fixed. i feel smarter then ten minutes ago already.

headed town wanting to go ktv, but both party world and kbox were fully occupied. i wonder whats with the sudden preoccupation with singing, after all, its our past time to go ktv tsk. the rest of singapore is simply ripping out panties off.

had a mini birthday celebration for nic nic over at yuan's. i hope she feels better already tsk. the rest are clubbing over at rougue now i think.

i had a big discovery today. staircase girl is the sister of this girl whom nic used to like. jawdropping yes, okay not so, because no names are mentioned here. BUT WAH.

touch rugby's organising a touch carnival in millennia and i woke jul up from her sleep to tell her to recuit all the lesbians to form a team.

i'm going to make myself some french toasts soon.

is to get tangled up in you.

2005-07-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

okay that long post is really gone, gone. oh well i dont really care now, i only managed to felt like this sense of lost out that outpour of emotions entry for twenty seconds. outpour-of-emotions entries are very yesterday.

i am super irritated. planning is so tough, we can disgress from tomorrow's day out to whoever wanting to use a tube as a binder. plus, gathering the 4 together ( only ) is so difficult, its easier to chew a cigarette stick.

i feel so distressed for nothing, feeling distressed is just wasteful. like a running tap.

jay chou songs got boring, they all harp around the same thing.

celebrating nic's still-not-here-yet-birthday tomorrow, please be happy, even thought this entry doesn sound happy at all. i want to have a nice warmly, gathering tomorrow.

i am just going to pass motion and read my geisha book, least there wont be any personal relation skills required.

its her birthday today, i remembered. certainly hope she's doing great.

i decided my world is just black and white.

2005-07-15T13:09:00.000+08:00

my monitor is spoilt, i think i hit it too hard and too much. maybe the component parts dropped from its original position tsktsk. of all times when my broadband is finally coming tomorrow.

got not much to talk about today.

oh yeah i typed this long entry two nights ago, but when i posted it, internet explorer could not find the server. i wanted to hit the computer. got so irritated i just swtiched the computer off. and i'm too lazy and to an extent nonchalent to retype and retell my story.

i dont even want to start.

2005-07-14T00:40:00.000+08:00

econs was okay today :D realised being the only few who wrote about gdp, gnp and nnp for question 1a has its benefits, because those who wrote the whole output, expenditure and value-add thing for 1a is WRONG WRONG WRONG. was doing the mcq section halfway and i have this really really bad stomach ache, so i went to shit. i thought it was quite funny.

the funniest part was the radiation noises emmitted while we were all doing the paper. we placed our phones in our bags which are all located under this speaker, and we kept hearing the dededede radiation-you-know-you-got-a-message-or-call sound throughout the paper, it got quite bad that the teacher went to swtich the speaker off, until paper collection. and once she swtiched it back on, the sound came back again, one by one. after the paper, we all went to check our phones, then we all understood why there were so much unneccessary noises. damn cute.

came home to watch cartoons, i have not watched my cartoons in ages. went to julian's house in the other side of singapore in the early afternoon, ( READ PASIR RIS ) i did not lose my way there. didnt realise that she and jp lives so near that stretch of loyang ave road that is always jammed when i go home from work. KOOKIES were being baked ( pardon the KOOKIE part, i think its damn funny when sarah mispronounced it ) and well, i washed everything. told you i'm the one who does all the dirty work, i mean i actually like to wash dishes, but wash dishes that is layered with greese as oily as crude oil from the alaskan oil pipe line and stained with chocolate-ty residues ? i even had to enlist the services of a toohbrush, that proved extremely helpful. i am officially a cleaner. must charge from now onwards.

cabbed to pick nic from ubi, and as we past eunos, julian and i made a startling exciting ( only for 4 seconds ) discovery. watched this really hilarous monkey king old school martial arts show that stephan chow starred in at yuan's.

nic blackmailed me, and was successful at it, for like at least two three times. i am going to poison her food the next time we go for budget korean meal.

played asshole daidee for like three times ( only ), and woosh woosh i was king all three times. julian the asshole all the way, yuan the commoner and sarah the prostitute. ( all, all the way too tsktsk )

hungry already now.

P.S millennia rocks so much rocks can be moved.

2005-07-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay must cut down on the crazy mood. management was good today HEH, i will pass it.

have this sudden thing to sing this nsync song. i'm being rather lame these two days. something is just SO wrong with me. but being lame is better than sad depressed and cynical.

i can always check in to the behavioural ward in mount e. oh yes i went to mount e today, visit my birth place. and this is really funny, the road next to mount e is called nutmeg road.

you'll see, i'm gonna start singing fish leong songs all over again.

yeahs. anyhow, i'm done. i'm back. ( dont critise my short span of i'll-be-gone ) i just resigned to fate and yeah, move on move on. i'm a believer of i-dont-have-all-time-to-wait. afterall, she moved one, its only time and right i did too, for myself. okay let me message laura now.

P.S DONT STEAL MY POEMS OKAY

2005-07-11T22:25:00.000+08:00

okay this is so nice and i like this so much i just have to put it here.

my fair lady, what is it that thou see not ?
for he doth not love thee,
as thee ought to be loved ;
for he doth not deserve to be worthy,
as thee ought to be hailed.
oh, my fair lady, what is it that thou see not ?
doth the lady, not see thy ?
for thee just knock on thy's door,
it shall be opened ;
for thee just see into thy's eye,
it shall be known more.
oh, my faiy lady, what is it that thou see not ?

shakesphere did not not write that.

I ( i.e. CHERYL CHONG YEN YEE ) DID. maybe i was oscar wilde in my past lives. hence explaining my homosexual tendencies. i just am ultra bitchy today. well, blame it on slutty boys.

2005-07-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

outside the exam venue, we were all talking yada yada yada ;
lynette + swinder : wah cheryl you look very confident
me : no la. this is call give up already

anyway history paper was bad. dont probe, because i really dont have much to say tsktsk.

met julian for lunch in town. we budget meal again, except that we had a plate to ourselves this time. couldn finish my portion of spicy pork. went to walk around later, went to scrowl for nic's birthday present, want a laced panty ? settled at borders to read books later, we are such dilligent students.

slutty slutty slutty.

kjvgbhgsivgb dhgtvbhguk hgbij uiy vbwiu uvyrb.

2005-07-10T22:29:00.000+08:00

oh god. thank goodness doll pointed out to me. i did NOT give her a bookmark, it was a WW - word error, it was in fact her who gave me the very nice postcard.

doll's being very nice, sending me nice "healing" ( quote unquote ) songs too. she's being so cute and funny - doll soup for the che soul. okay we are not flirting.

met per for dinner at ikea, and we took so long to get a table ( only for the both us ), pink and the brain took over the world. anyhow, i got this REALLY REALLY good looking yellow digital alarm clock. it looks so good in my humble room.

went to queenstown to play pool. the pool hall was really bad, there was no pool cue to play pool with, so we had to use the billard cue to play. no wonder we played so bad, i had to break the balls three times before it wasnt a foul break. but its really cheap there, five dollars eighty cents an hour.

i need to listen to sister golden hair.

2005-07-10T15:35:00.001+08:00

okay. finally, i know what the devil is wrong with me. i always affix a dateline to the things i do. and i even remember telling jing NOT to put a dateline with the things she does one month ago. but my datelines never work, so i'll end up getting upset and disappointed ( thanks nic ), and whatever plans i have in mind will just go to waste.

i am so stupid and smart it freaks me out.

i remember praying to god a few nights before, telling him to turn back time. ( like it'd happen )

2005-07-10T14:55:00.000+08:00

i am watching the rain from my window now.

mum finally subscribed to broadband, so i finally can join millions of others in enjoying good download speed. but that guy will only come to fix it next saturday.

history tomorrow, the only thing i know is that i am history and my history sucks worst than louis the sixteen. ( both my knowledge of history and my personal history ) i woke up today feeling like i should be guillotine like louis too. my brain feels like an angry mob, who's going to storm the basilles. ( in my case, storm my medulla oblongata ) i bet the list of grieviences that my heart has, is ten times more than the third esates.

i am going to study about king monkut now.

but the raindrops are highly distracting.

2005-07-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

everything i do, is just a mistake. nothing i did was ever right. ( okay that sounded damn familiar ) anyway, so next time i should not do anything about it. just let it rot and decay away.

i hope you dance is on radio, see, even the radio must make me feel like a failure.

i'm going to learn from the longed neck birds and dig a hole in the sand and hide my head in it.

call me ultra over sensitive, but i just lost my skin today.

2005-07-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

gave a really nice bookmark from doll today. it said :
you cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

yes totally, new oceans are either straight, attached, or straight and attached. but thats not the point. it will be in time to come but sad case. see, my life is so sad tsk. this week, i have two crushes already. one lasted a day, the other for half a day. millennia rocks, secondary four or five o level students and jc retainees this year, come come. we welcome you with wide open arms.

okay, for me now, its no longer a oh-have-to-get-over-you problem. its a friend friend thing. ( i am SO frickle minded yes i know ), i feel so differently about her, about the girl i thought i knew. i finally wired the feelings back to where it should - prison ( it ought to serve time for being hopeful ), so technically problem solved. it started because they got haywired for a while.

then comes the friend friend thing. i'm some sort of worried that she's like being someone she's not, its like someone possessed her. i think she's putting on some kind of facade for some kind of i dont know.

"i know you good, i know you good. i know you real good." maybe not so afterall.

or, maybe i'm just wrong with all my thoughts. i think i'm the only one thinking this way.

( let me talk to myself in my entries, before deciding what to do about it )

up on this throne so low,
seen the sights and wonders.
i rocked and laughed ;
yet,
do i mock thyself,
or do i mock thee.

2005-07-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

i had the most most most most horrible dream ever just now. tsk.

okay its not horrible in nature, it just horrible to me. i dreamt that there was a pool saloon and party world in the second floor of my block. okay that's wonderful, but in between many weird things happened. playin pool with julian, watching some weird movie with the usual people and hitting it off very well with this ultra cute girl.

but my dreams never come true, so its a relief for the sad horrible part but pity for the cute girl tsk.

all thats well, all thats well.

i have this urge to pick up my phone, call you out for prata, and tell you how i think you're different.

2005-07-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

did some history reading today, ( note the usage of some ) finished my mgt tutorial for legal structure too. all before i got distracted and lost my concentration.

highlight of the day was when i found out that i've mistaken the fab washing powder as a scent for 3 years.

school was pretty much okay.

mr raj ( econs teacher ) : cheryl, how come you dont look happy these few days ?

happy was when i was seven and playing in the indoor playground of king albert park with dozen other kids that i do not know. happy was when someone, nevermind.

maybe i was there, around, too much. that gave way to being taken for granted. i may be wrong about that, maybe, the things i did was being appreciated. maybe, i dont know. i wasnt shown, i guess i made some decisions based on the things i know, and those i dont. its a friendship thing here anyhow.

like a marquee, i hate you keeps scrolling across the screen of my head. what is it that i'm being hated for, abandonment, being selfish for my own feelings, or for just feeling forsaken.

is it that impossible to feel appreaciated, constantly. it'd be comforting to know.

comfort is all you want, but thats what i need here.

i'm going to flag ten comfort taxis down.

2005-07-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

oh babe, i hate to go.

there are things that i've got to do. i have my reasons. this is for the better, for the friendship. the things said and done, have been misleading. i know, but yet it swayed me for a moment. then i thought about it, i realised i got swayed because i'd like to think that you may have some feelings for me. but you dont, and i dont want to be swayed back like that.

so dont say things like 'i dont expect you to fight it, i dont want you to' or 'got nina then dont need to message me already is it'. dont expect me to think straight even though i know who's in your heart. i'm a friend, talk to me like one.

i know there are things that you dont say and wont say. its alright i guess. its like i wont believe that you wont have anything to say about this. you do, you damn well do. but you wont. i've been used to it. i was not kidding when i told you i can compile the things that you wanted to say but forgot / the things you wont say into an encyclopedia of ten volumes.

you can say you have your reasons, its just not you to say something to make me go back on what i said. its just not me, you'd make to stay. friend or lover.

i told you i'll be there for you, i told you i'll be your crying shoulder, i told you i'll be a friend. i'll be. and as i be, i'll be love's suicide too. this friend will not leave, but the love have to go.

i want to move on, and baby i just cant bring you along.

i'll be back, someday.

2005-07-07T14:41:00.000+08:00

colgate does not do wonders.

i'm not in school today. quite sick actually, have been been coughing non-stop today like a rattling rattle snake.

nic is just crazy with her projectU thing and her neoprint thing. she is really a institute of mental health case. i think you need to see a shrink nic.

what am i still doing here. i dont belong here.

while at the doctor's, i was comtemplating a pack of cigerattes. but yeah i'm on a supposed road to cutting down on my nicotine intake.

we ( i.e julian jp nic me ) need to go ktv.

2005-07-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

today was rather productive, i did two chapters of management, i feel like the nerd smiley in msn already.

this morning was pure cheap thrill. colgate triple action. studied at kap, i did the most work please.

feeling jaded again, dont feel like talking to anyone now. pure insanity. i feel quite insane already. ( not literally institute of mental health case )

( it is making me mad that no matter what i try, i cant get chinese characters to appear on my blog, while others can. so fine, nevermind, i'll just translate )

penny dai - jie jiao de zhu fu
the autumns and the winters, i'm almost well.
but there's still one thing, and it troubles me.
i thought it through, if we meet, how are we going to make things seem okay.
i guess i'd stand at the corner of the street, so you wouldn't see.
only because i don't want to intrude,
only because i don't think you would understand,
only because in your eyes i see she means more than me.

i'm left to pretend that i didn't see,
see your embraces at the other side.
i can feel your happiness,
but meeting like this is better for everyone.
i'm left to pretend that i didn't hear,
hear the things others say.
i never want to ask, i don't want to be told,
afterall it's your world.
if i didn't ask, if i wasn't being told,
i'd place the blessings,
by the corner of the street.

2005-07-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

since i had came out ( i sound like a homosexual coming out of my sexuality ) from my skeletons-but-actually-feelings-in-the-cloest, i decided to blog a little bit more normally, and less depressing. i'm cheryl, not gaya. ( insider joke outram gang )

went for night class at toh tuck today, had to give outram a miss. felt quite bad, saw three outramians at outram mrt and i suddenly just missed everything about the school, from the swimming pool toilet to ms lau to the fifth floor corridor to cutting the lower secondary's queue to disturbing teachers for no reason outside stafff room to sitting outside the hod room because we got nothing better to do to going to the male's toilet with weiru and scaring clement to pulling lilian's hair to spoiling the ear drums of my classmates with my awful singing to terrorizing joy with non-stop complains to bitching with clement to forcing weiru to buy drinks for eight people to the pungent perfume of ms ang to every cheeky conversation i had with dt to mixing all the different beach agents to whacking zhenlong's balls to basically everything else.

and yes, remind me, to resume normal blogging style.

2005-07-05T22:24:00.000+08:00

i surrender. i cant fight the tears anymore.

i'm sorry.

2005-07-04T23:01:00.000+08:00

went ktv today, six hours ! :D

sang i-will-give-you-red-roses chinese duet song, it felt very different. ( as you can tell ), i'm a very complex pot of emotions. and they had to kannina me in, many times in the room. so shy.

i did an gp essay during the ktv session.

okay my mids are next week, i have no time to play around this week. probably am going over to toh tuck to join julian and whoever for night classes everyday this week.

a pizza hut, a pizza hut.
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut.
a pizza hut, a pizza hut.
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut.
mcdonalds, mcdonalds.
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut.

where did the fuck my sensing thing go, just when i need it. i'm waiting for midnight to come so i can go read friendster's highly unaccurate horoscope reading for tomorrow. SINCE my senses decided to david copperfield me.

school tomorrow, exciting. tomorrow, i WILL ask for her number. drastic situations requires drastic measures. okay of course not.

i think the cia or fbi should hire me as an interrogator, i think i extract information from people real fine. HAHA. maybe, not intentionally, but being natually gifted in comprehension and summary, i can see things. i'm really aunty aaronn agony. people should pay me for this.

2005-07-04T03:13:00.000+08:00

ah went out for prata. tried chicken mutabak ( dont know how to spell and i dont think dictionary.com hsa it ) for the first time.

alright, are blogs for private consumption or public consumption ? because,
me : oh i know the title of that nice jay chou song towards the end of the show !
laura : ya i know, i read your blog.
OR
me : you know something ? i translated elva xiao's wen song into english and i think i did a quite good job !
nic : ya i know, i read your blog.
so basically its always,
me : blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
whoever : ya i know, i read your blog
okay fine, you read my blog, but just let me say my fill ! tsktsk.

my horoscope lied to me today. it said i would meet a very special someone today. BUT NO I DIDNT. it better not lie to me tomorrow. it says i'm just like every one else, "except cuter and more articulate". WOOSH ego boasting. and it also says still keeping company with a certain someone you feel like you've known forever ? good. if you two keep things going the way they have been -- honestly and openly -- it might actually be forever before you know it. whether you believe in reincarnation or not is irrelevant. we've all had the experience of feeling like we've known someone forever, even though it's only been a few months. or weeks. or even moments. you, of course, have learned to pay careful attention to that sort of thing, so when you cross paths now with someone who seems familiar, you won't hesitate to mention that, and to ask them where they've been all your life. This lifetime, that is ..

but i tell you, friendster is bogus and so is astrology.com.

i want to be an adominal snowman and have my photographs taken by the paparazzi and splashed across every british tabloid newspapers.

and i am going to sing SHE'LL NEVER BE MINE AND I KNOW I'LL NEVER WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER tomorrow. okay i dont think they have that song. then i guess i have to be a claymate and sing IF I WAS INVISIBLE. maybe not. okay this one sure have, CAUSE BABY TO YOU ALL I AM IS THE INVISIBLE MAN.

if i say i want to be a snowman tomorrow, please dont tell me you've read my blog. just nod your head and pretend you never read anything about snowmans.

2005-07-03T02:50:00.000+08:00

i still cant say it.

let me be shallow for a while.

joy told me the title of the jay chou i-am-crying-in-the-car song and she's sending it to me. wah. but i'm feeling really really hungry now. okay i am listening to it now, i have no idea what is he mumbling about but its making feel sad.

someone asked me if i'm happy. ( i didnt have to think but ) i thought about it for a second or so. i said no. then the same person asked me why, ( i knew why ) but the words just simply wont come out. but i have a feeling that person knows. unspoken undstanding.

okay joy provided me with this site with that jaychou song lyrics, and oh my god, the english translation is horrendous. i'm going to do it myself. only because the english is really terrible.

the growing distance of the world from my rear view mirror
you had turned your back but i still see the side of your beautiful face
i heard your tears as i tried to pursue
from the window, you were the one thing that i have missed
but here we are separated by a wall of tears
the streets are getting further yet your emotions linger

i head north, leaving behind this season of your scent
you stood your weariness and cant love another
out in the cold mountain winds, my mistakes were the only passing thoughts
counting my guilts i realised i have hurt you too much

i head north, leaving behind this season of your scent
the surrondings spins as it replays my remorse
i stepped on to take over, yet i cant lose the haunting sorrow
counting the guilts i realised i have hurt you much more
stop this anguish, i'm leaving it be
-road up north

certain parts are quite rather apt, dont you think. i didnt even noticed until i read everything as one.

2005-07-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

today was an unlucky day.

it took such unluck for me to get some things straight. was in an ultra bad mood.

well hell, i dont even know how to describe what happened. basically, i never learn.

( i seem to be more concerned about the implicating effects of smoking than the direct consequences of it )

but i'd never make it an apology out of it. i told myself i'd never feel sorry. i said i'd never fault myself.

and guess who is the sorry ass feeling all faulty and sorry now.

the-aaronn-that-only-shows-this-side-while-being-a-consoler-to-other : come on, face it. you just CANNOT face up it, thats why you still keep doing it. think, if you can face yourself up to it, you'd learn from it.
cynical-aaronn : bullshit, everything's bullshit.

i was not lying in the toilet when i told you i cant let the words out of my mouth, i cant speak it, i cant say why it affected me so much. i cant, i'd just cry if i do.

2005-07-02T03:15:00.000+08:00

i just realised ( okay i didnt just ) that my relationship with laura had been my happiest days so far. i dont remember writing feeling so much nice and non-cynical entries, i didnt manage to say everything down, but you get the idea. i used to read my archives and think i actually blogged that ?, but now i know, why i wrote what i did ; it was the pure bliss of it all.

okay wrong time to feel all nostalgic.

if time would be able to whitewash our memories
to go our seperate ways and go on to love differently
as long as i dont meet a sudden storm
i wouldnt wake up to feel a sudden lost

did we not agree to let it all go
but why would there be still tears at this side of my face
is that her, still the one dwelling within you
taking my place to kiss you in the morning sun
taking my place for a kiss in the morning sun

if we were able to admit with courage then
that we were waiting stubbornly for the feelings that has been left behind
in every night of silence
denying the sense of regret
but i'd still cant refrain from asking

did we not agree to let it all go
but why would there be still tears at this side of my face
is that her, still the one dwelling within you
taking my place to kiss you under the bright moonlight
taking my place for a kiss under the bright moonlight

those period of bitter tears
searching for a better day
has went away
it just didnt occur to me that love has to be paid with a slow painful price

we had agreed to forget it all
but here are still tears at the side of my face
is she still, the one right beside you now
taking my place to kiss you in the morning sun
taking my place for a kiss under the bright moonlight
-kiss

( if this registers as a chinese song in your brain, it is, i just translated it )

2005-07-02T01:26:00.000+08:00

my body needs fibre, lots of it. i am suffering from constipation, i sat in the toilet for 45 minutes with no result tsk. maybe its the book i'm reading. sick puppy is not as funny as it was acclaimed to be. its sadistic yes, but not my kind of sick ideas.

alright, i'm actually very pleased with the fact that nic and i are on good terms now. when i was young, i made a few mistakes here and there, i still do. but looking back, i feel its really childish for me to fall out because of some girls. we were really close then. things got rather bad and misunderstandings were rampant, but i'm glad we put it all behind us. i remember per once asked if nic and this girl were drowing ( yes i know ultra clinche ), who would i save. i said nic, and mind you, there bad blood at that point of time when she asked me. we all grown up in our own ways, i realised friendships are more than girls and pride.

went to watch initial d with laura. everyone have to ask me why are you with you, what are you doing with her, hows you and her. quite funny. ( in my sadistic way of course ) the show was good, except for the ending, i hate not here not there endings like that. i liked the whole racing element, not because i watched the show and i think its damn cool to race. not much people know this, in fact i dont think anyone knows, but i watch formula one races on cable. street racing are of a different genre than then f1, but its the sound of the engine going, the screech of the tires that drives me. and its the soundtrack and the sound effects of the show that kept me glued. i need to know the tittle of that sad jay chou song towards the end of the show. followed laura to do some shopping, quite retrospecting because we used to always go shopping together, buy buy press press pin number. i need to press press pin pin soon too.

accompanied laura home to wait for her to change, CANDY WAS THERE BECAUSE CANDICE CAME BACK. woosh woosh i was so excited on the bus there when laura told me candy was there. candy candy candy i miss that girl ! no i am not in like or whatsoever with her. i knew her few years back in church already.

met the rest at spins then we made our way down to mos. they were playing techno and i failed to learn how to dance techno, and i confessed to some birthday girl i dont even know that i actually have a slight liking for techno. that also explains why i sometimes sing mr vain out of the blue. i like that be my bad boy, be my bad boy song. okay dont tell anyone. i'm listening to miracle on winamp now by the way.

my jedi senses kicked in three times today, i used to get only one sense in three days, but today i got three in one day. had two in the day, and my last one came while we were on the cab to mos. i wonder if i had that sense because i'd like to feel i sensed it or if i really sensed it. but i really feel the sense of it.

this is a long entry. laura says sometimes i should stop talking like how i do in my entries and talk direct and obvious. then i told her, its not me to spit things out just like that. i actually derive a certain sense of satisfaction in saying things but not mentioning what i am feeling. and then maye thinks my entries are getting very confusing and she doesn get what i am saying anymore. but in my personal opinion, its the very essence of my i-am-telling-you-something-but-i-am-not-going-to-tell-you-what confusing here there everywhere structure, that speaks the obvious. i mean its obvious what i write about what, okay maybe its because i was the one who wrote it thus i know exactly was is going on in my thought. but that aside i think the things i say are very obvious. catch me in a funny mood, i may just decide to do verbal spitting. okay la, dont take my entire entry as a literature prose and try to what impression is the author trying to protray, what is the tone set in the prose, there is no order in the things i say. summarize. did i ever said i like doing summaries ? my entries is not like a gp essay, my paragraphs dont neccessarily link with the previous. i dont really bother to justify my stand either.

i just remembered that laura was supposed to tell me something while we were watching the show, but she stopped halfway and told me she'd continue after the show. to which i reminded her that she wont end up telling me in the end. HA. anyhow, i wont bug her to tell me, though i must say part 1 was intriguing. i am kaypo but not singaporean auntie kaypo.

one, two, three, four and five. so obvious i lied today.

dont accuse me of beating around george w bush.